Greetings readers, I just got home from watching the newest Bruce Willis movie Surrogates. Want to hear my recommendation?
Buy Ghost in the Shell instead.
It’s not bad, but it’s not good either. It has flaws.
As soon as the movie started up there is a voice speaking to the audience and it says something on the lines like;
”We were not meant to see life through the eyes of an machine. We are Humans. God made us this way.”
”Oh god, this is gonna suck”, that was my first thought. EVERYTIME you start up a movie with a quote promoting that God made us, you’re really just asking to have the audience come over and fart in your face. Of course, this is more something on the lines like ”Hey, we’re your friends” to mainstreem and christian people (and the mainstreem-christian hybrids) rather then aimed towards everyone.
So we’re greated with quick backflashes from a mix of news channels and very possible Fox News bullshit that have been told throughout the past 15 years I think it was, and already they have manage to shit on important technology advances that we have made. It’s frustrating because it feels like they are trying to say something like it’s good inventions, but sick people deserve to be sick? So yeah, it eventually bottles up that all these inventions lead to the creation of Surrigatism by the company VSI, and this is not a spoiler but since mankind are by default stupid, some asstards decides to follow a guy called the Prophet who pretty much condemns the Surrogates to be hellspawns. These anti-robot humans are mostly known as the ‘dreads‘ establish these ‘HUMAN-ONLY‘ zones where Surrogates are not allowed to be within and if one would enter, the humans living there will call upon the ancient funny white-people rituals known as LYNCHING.
See, living by the land causes retardism more so than being mainstreem.
The movie cuts over into the actual story where a certain person tries to get laid with another very hot robotbooty. Only that he gets shot in the back by a biker and she gets shot in the head. Nothing personal y’know.
And then Bruce Willis comes in as he is the cophero of the movie and he proceeds to open a hatch on the back of the head on one of the disabled Surrogates and takes out a small metal piece. This is apperently the ‘ID Tag‘. Since it’s fried, they can’t locate it’s rightfull owner. The other surrogate however they know whose it’s operator is but they find it kinda odd that said operator haven’t reported it stolen or broken or anything so they go home to that person. They open the door and find a very fat, very dead man in the operator chair. Yes, it turns out that the tight assed horny blonde robot was being controlled by this fat bald guy – way to harass the internet people guys! What were you thinking? That it’d be fun? Oh yes, the people in the cinema did laugh. I just thought how low you managed to sink by doing that.
Later in the movie, we find Bruce Willis chasing after the suspected murdered in a helicopter when he fires his ”FUCK YOU” microwave-gun, killing the choppah and ALMOST killing Brucey. He managed to survive by disconnecting instantanious. On this matter, I’d like some explaination.
You see, the surrogates are controlled by device similiar in looks used in the cartoon Dino Riders to controll the dinosaurs. This device senses the neuro-signals your brain is sending out and redirects them to the surrogate to lift limps, cut fingers, jerk off and so forth. So tell me, how can EVERYONE override this by just taking the device off while the surrogate is online? It always goes offline when they take it off but still. There is a diffrence between moving the limbs and thinking about moving the limbs. If you only think about it, then you are more or less incapable to perform some of the moves they do in the movie.
WHICH ALSO MAKES THE ENTIRE FUCKING CONCEPT COMPLETELY POINTLESS!
Why? I’ll tell you why. Because the idea and concept is that through the Surrogate, you’ll achive the life you’ve always wanted and with the thingy reading your brainwaves and providing stimulating responses back and forth. If you’re touched in an certain way you’ll feel it. If you are hit smack across the face you’ll not feel it (because of a ‘security‘ device). You are your surrogate is the concept. But the concept they are pulling out with that of being able to disconnect ‘at will’ just by taking it off makes it more like a real-life version of Second Life.
As with most of Mr. Brucies movies, he says Fuck you to the police force when he is suspended and continues his hunt without his surrogate for the madmen behind it all and really, I’d like to shake the hand of Bruce Willis for running around looking like an old bum and making the best of an semi-interesting story. But yeah, also not really a spoiler since you deep down inside know that this will happen, he is faced with the inevitable dilemma of choosing between YES or NO, between the lie of life or the joy of choice to put it bluntly. The moral issue of which the whole movie is based around – Is it okay to live life as a machine or should we accept our diffrences with understanding?
But wait.. Wait what? First you show off a fat guy who is a blonde chick as a surrogate and then you’re pulling of;
”Yes, it is disgusting and shouldn’t be done… Now, let’s accept our diffrences as humans (except the previous ones).”
Overall, the movie was seeworthy but there is nothing good to really fetch up that hasn’t been done before AND BETTER. As I said at the start, watch Ghost in the Shell instead. Atleast that has a true philosofical meaning to it, a hot chick with long legs and awesome technology. You’ll get more out from your money that way.
I’ll be back later with another Final Fantasy video, thank you for reading my rant/review of Surrogates.
